The world lost a great and funny man. He brought tears of joy to our eyes for years. And now, tears of sorrow. He was a giant part of my childhood. From Aladdin to Death to Smoochy. He was an amazing man that made my childhood memorable, it is so sad that we lost him to depression.
Depression is one of the hardest battles to keep fighting, and he fought for years. Hiding his pain behind his boisterous personality, behind the smiles and laughs he always had and shared. I do not resent what he did, at all. Instead, I understand it. I, as well, suffer from severe depression. I know the pain it takes to get up every day and fake a smile, to pretend that everything is alright, even though it's not.
Depression isn't a choice, it just happens. Some people can't help it. Sometimes it's trauma induced, other times it's a chemical imbalance in the brain. I know he fought long and hard before he lost the battle, but he tried and with depression that is all you can do.
Sure, some people think it is curable with medication and/or therapy. But, sometimes it's not. Sometimes the damage is already done, even if the person wants to get help, wants to get better and feel better, sometimes it's just too late, some people never stood a chance.
I think, instead of judging him for what he did and resenting him for it, we instead accept it and learn from it. We were blessed to have him in our lives for over forty years, isn't that enough? And in all of those years, he tried to make all of us happy while he himself was suffering. And I think that it honourable.
This is a sensitive subject for me, especially right now, with being pregnant. I will openly admit that this pregnancy has made things harder for me. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for almost 15 years, off and on. Surviving. Trying to get help in all the ways I can. I know what it's like to lose hope, faith, to feel there is nothing left. That, despite all the people around you that you love, you still don't feel good enough for this life, like you don't deserve the love these people have for you. If I feel that, and I am a nobody in this world, how must he have felt? To think, he made the world laugh, but he might not have felt he deserved all the love we had for him. It's a giant burden to bear, and I understand that.
It hurts, just writing this out I'm getting emotional and teary-eyed. But, I continue on. Because in death, as in life, he has inspired me to keep going. If this man can spend so many years suffering and in pain, yet still make the world a better place, then why can't I? Why can't I learn from him? To try and get as well as I can, especially for my baby? Seeing him lose the battle with depression scares me, yes, but it makes me want to be strong, for him, for myself, for my baby and boyfriend, for all those people who suffer from this curse, this endless cycle of despair and self-hate.
There is hope. As small and invisible as it may be, it is there. It is within us all. Ourselves, our friends, our loved ones. There will always be at least one person there to help you when you fall. To just hold you. They may not tell you everything will be all right, because it's not true. Everything will never be all right. But, some things will be fine, some of the time. Life has its ups and its downs. And we just have to learn to roll with the punches. To talk about it, to let it out, to cry or scream if we need to. The worst things we can do for ourselves is to hold it all in, to let it fester and consume us.
It took me years to learn how to let it out, to talk about it. And it's still hard. It's so hard, but we have to try. I still have trouble opening up to my boyfriend, and I know he has the same problems opening up to me. But, we try where we can, even if it hurts, even if it takes days to say. Because, if it's important enough, it will always come out in the end.
Just, never give up hope. We are worth it, even when we don't feel like we are. We are worth it because there is a least one person in the world that thinks so. We deserve to be happy, as much as we don't think we do. We CAN be happy, even though it may feel like we never will be again. We can break this cycle, together. We are worth it, we are important, we are the voices of depression that need to make a stand.
I may not know any of you, I may not know what, exactly, it is you've gone through. But, I do understand the pain. It may be caused from different things, but I still understand, because we all hurt, and that is something we have to remember, even when it feels like nobody understands. There is always somebody who is feeling what you feel. Who has felt what it's like to have their heart break, to feel that happening, to feel the despair and pain consume you whole, to want to rip it out and make it all stop, who has contemplated taking that bottle of pills in the bathroom, or that kitchen knife to their wrists, that one step extra step off the ledge of a fifteen story building.
You are not alone.
Remember that. You are not alone. We are not alone. Let us learn from all of this. From Robin Williams. Think of this as his final lesson to us "Be strong, live on, and always keep fighting!"
Please, watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wESAPVUdSI
It is a review on Aladdin and a small part of Robin Williams.
Watch it. Share it. Reblog it. All revenue earned from this video will be donated to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA).
In honour of all of this. I would like to challenge all who have read this to share it with everybody they know, depressed or not. Spread the word, the awareness. Be the helping hand, be somebody's hope, even if it's your own hope. Be the light at the end of the tunnel, or at least help somebody else find it. Be strong, help fight depression. We all have it in us to fight, but it's a choice to do so. Make it so. Be strong, for yourself, for me, for Robin, for all the people in the world suffering. I know you have it in you.
And in memory of Robin, I will be making bookmarks with some of his most memorable quotes - from movies and in his speeches. So, please, if there is anything you'd like to see as a bookmark, don't hesitate to comment. Show me the support, show the world the support! Reblog this, share this, do whatever. And remember, it's not your fault. <3
( Picture courtesy of http://8viii.deviantart.com/ )
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